Loving My Life

Backstory

“New Year, New You”, right?

There’s nothing like getting started by diving in the deep end. So that’s exactly what I’m doing today. Though, there was plenty of preparation and false starts during the past two years prior. But now, this is it. This is crunch time.

2018:

Researching online courses to help me get through ‘decluttering’ – what I then believed was my inevitable path – led me to discover the KonMari Method on Udemy. In my eagerness to tackle one of my Big Hairy Audacious Goals that I’d (consciously) chosen and set for myself during a Blue Sky 5-Year Visioning course, I’d devoured, first, Marie Kondo’s online course, in tandem with her book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying”, that I’d purchased in April 2018. Back then, hardly anybody had heard of Marie Kondo or the KonMari Method, but what had resonated deeply with me, was her philosophy of keeping only things that ‘spark joy’. That was exactly what I had decided to aim for in my life, after decades of putting up with mediocrity and lukewarm experiences that I had been surrounding myself with. I knew it all came from me, so it was me who needed to change and set the bar high.

2008:

A decade earlier, the home that I’d decided to commit to being my homebase, exited my life – or more accurately, I’d exited its life. A terraced Georgian London townhouse built in the 1860’s in what was then, still down-and-out King’s Cross, I’d made it my home for a good ten years. Living in and staying put for ten years in one place is no mean feat in today’s day and age. In the same fashion that I had ‘settled’ for my ex-, I had given up on desiring anything else and felt the place was as good as any to ‘call home’.

Looking back in hindsight, I could clearly see the Law of Attraction kicking in the minute I’d made a heartfelt commitment to the house.
If it’s meant to be the ‘right’ place or person for you, the explicit commitment is meant to draw the two of you together, but if it isn’t, then the place or person will leave your life. Which was exactly what happened.

It wasn’t a match. Full stop.

And no amount of cosmic force could make two people or things stay together if there isn’t enough of the requisite glue to keep them that way.

So then, my conundrum became: “Where is ‘home’ then, for me?”

For many others, ‘home’ is obvious and clear for them. Not so for me.

In essence, I then embarked on deep soul-searching for ‘where in the world’ I’d like to call home. By then, I knew that London no longer held the fascination and grip over me as before. I had an inkling of possible places that I’d travelled to and loved, but making it a permanent home was different.

How is all this relevant to ‘keeping what sparks joy’?

Everything.

Because Everything starts from Who You Are.
And when Who You Are has changed, shifted, morphed, all externals shift in alignment to reflect that inner change.

Hitting rock-bottom was the Best Thing that I’d created unconsciously. Being adrift, not having any more ties – no family, no home-base, no partner – meant there was very little holding me to that place any more. I had friends, though, and very good friends at that. Ones that I’d cultivated with love and care over decades. I remember asking myself if that would be the sole reason for me to stay in a place that I no longer was in love with. The answer was a very clear and loud ‘No’.

I seemed to be very good at identifying what I didn’t like, but when it came to answering the question: What Do I Want? it felt like I was listening to a broken record inside my head. Nobody had asked me that question before, so when I finally got around to asking myself that question, I was stumped. Not that there was a lack of things I’d desired. There was simply too many and the noise was sounding more like interference. My tuner was out of whack from lack of use.

This was the pivotal point in my life when I decided to consciously choose only things, people and places that I loved. I vowed to only surround myself with that love energy, in whatever form it might take.

Homing Pigeon 101

I started with Climate, Topography and Geography. My #1 Must-Have was a Year-Round Mark-Free Tan. It made me feel good. So that ruled many countries out! I hated mosquitoes and suffer from heatstroke, so the tropics was also a big no-no for me.

Being by the sea, having a year-round tan and wearing stretchy, breathable clothing, preferably shorts, T-shirts and flip-flops, appeared in my imagination as I visualised myself in that setting.

Home Base defined, the clothing is a direct result of that lifestyle and environment. Sure, I like dressing up, but I’d never much enjoyed having to cover up my arms and legs because of the cold. Dressing up for an occasion is one thing – having to, out of necessity is another.

All this because I took time out to question myself and ask: What Do I Want Now? What Kind of Lifestyle Do I Want Now?

I assure you it gets easier with persistence. It took me years to figure this all out for myself. When you’ve been brought up or have been living for years in an environment that is opposite to what your natural inclinations or preferences are, it takes some time to shed all the societal, cultural, parental conditioning to uncover where you’re most naturally suited to.

It’s well worth taking the time to go through that deep introspective process.

2020:

Moving from a fast-paced, metropolis like London to a quiet, rural setting in the outskirts of a small town in New Zealand surrounded by farmland requires a fair amount of readjustment. The local culture, though inherited from the Brits, is markedly different in many ways. The love of seafood, nature, the outdoors, the sea, the bush, hunting, fishing, self-sufficiency – I would say it’s the exact opposite of what most Brits are exposed to, unless of course, you count the ones who’ve consciously chosen to de-camp to the wop-wops. It’ll be 7 years come April, since I’d decided to stay here in New Zealand.

A couple of months ago, a shipment of 100 boxes of my belongings arrived from my London flat. They are still in their removals boxes, sitting in a shipping container in our front yard. KonMari’ing them would be the next phase after this first pass.

Day 1: Short-sleeved tops

For now, the contents of my drawers, which are housed in my ‘temporary’ bedroom of our sleepout (studio), will have to suffice for being submitted to the rigour of the KonMari Method.

Here are the results from today’s first foray:

Duration: 20 minutes

Before: 40 items

After: 20 items Discarded & 2 items Unsure (Update: To be Discarded)

After: 18 items Spark Joy

What I Discovered:

1. How easy it was to zoom in on my favourite items and to rank order them;
2. My top five items were Vibrant Brights and all items’ materials were Stretchy, Breathable, Quick-Dry textiles;
3. None of the Grey’s or Blue’s made it to my Spark Joy pile, except for one Vibrant Blue and one that had Vibrant Pink contrasting design on it;
4. I didn’t even have to pick up the item for assessment – a look was sufficient;
5. The only time I had to pick an item up was when I had to go through the Unsure pile; after a while, I realised that there was no way I could comfortably wear those two items and told myself that the moment I became petite again, I could go and buy something similar immediately.

Anyone who has known me to be a clothes-horse, would surely keel over, hearing me say this. But yes, I get it now. Seize the day. What point is there in holding on to something that ‘one day’, ‘may’ be used? That is definitely not in alignment with living in the Present Moment.

So with this auspicious start, I hold each item to my heart and send gratitude to it before putting it in the Discard bag. Flutters of anxiety rise up in whisper mode:
Am I sure?
Oh, but I only bought it not long ago.
It’s an X brand! It’s wasteful to chuck it.
Finally:
Thank you, for having shown me that Muted Tones and Dark Colours don’t bring me Joy.

I look at the line of tops that Spark Joy for me and wonder if I’ll be able to find a Bright Yellow or Bright Orange top to join this Vibrant group.

Feeling so thankful…